One Tiger Is Born

Dear Little Tiger,

I want to share with you the experience of your birth. I have to balance giving you the story without being too graphic. If you want more detail, please ask your mother.

You were born after a hard and long labor during which your mother displayed incredible strength for which I will admire her for all my days forth.

We expected you on Saturday. Your mother is a project manager and she joked about keeping the plan on track. Labor was to commence early on Saturday and complete at a time that would be convenient for our midwife!

Saturday arrived sans labor. Mom felt good so we went to the plant nursery in the morning and bought a couple of ferns. In the afternoon I did my favorite run from the house - out and back to "the wall" via the saddle. I tried to run fast because I wanted to be back home in case anything started happening. Nothing yet, so we planted the ferns and went to Fairfax and walked a little over a mile through the downtown area. We then had dinner at a small Chinese restaurant. Back home we relaxed, watched TV, and continued anticipating your arrival.

Sunday morning at around 7:30 AM your mother woke me with "I think it's starting". She had mild contractions in the morning, which kept getting stronger during the day. The rule we were given was to stay home until the contractions were 1 minute long and 3 minutes apart, for 1 hour. Early on the contractions were clearly causing discomfort, and some pain, but I think it was very manageable.

Toward the evening things became a little more intense. We had a stopwatch running and the contractions were hovering between 5 and 15 minutes. After dinner I put our bags in the car. We watched a movie from about 10 to midnight with frequent pauses and efforts to relieve some of the labor pain and strain, which had been getting more intense. By now there had been several contractions at least a minute long, and within three minutes of each other. However, there were sometimes gaps longer than 3 minutes which in theory means you have to reset the "1 hour" timer and start over.

Around 11 PM we called the doctor and gave her the status. She advised that we wait for more frequent contractions and also that she would call the hospital to let them know that we may be coming.

On a coworker's advice, the last preparatory step before leaving for the hospital was to make sandwiches. It was time to make sandwiches! During contractions I tried to help relieve some of the pain and discomfort by putting pressure on mom's back, or rubbing it. So, in two minute intervals I finished making and packing the last snacks and necessities.

At 1 AM were were off. Driving very carefully through the quiet streets to avoid the deer that are active at night time. During the 15 minute ride, mom only had two contractions. So we were back up to 6+ minutes, but the contractions were intense enough that when we got to the hospital I confidently took all the bags in with us.

In the maternity ward I was a little surprised that they didn't give us a room immediately, but instead put us in the triage room for an assessment. We had been in that room once before, about 10 weeks ago (that had been a scary experience, but the familiarity helped a little with our nerves this time). The nurse on duty, Kimberly, checked mom to see how far she was dilated, hooked up some monitors and told us she would come check again in an hour. An hour later she checked again and declared that little had changed. This was despite some intense contractions, albeit spaced apart somewhat. Kimberly called the OB at around 2:30 AM (sorry doc!) and consulted with her. They decided to send us back home. Mom was given some options to help manage the pain through the night and she settled for the least invasive - a sleep aid. By now the contractions had been coming and going with regularity for almost 20 hours. We returned home with our all bags and sandwiches minus one which I manged to eat one during the assessment.

We returned home and went to bed. Mom manged to sleep from about 3AM to 7AM. Labor was again very intense throughout the day. Mom was having "back labor" and clearly had a lot pain. Around noon your mother was disconsolate, but one of our midwifes, Lisa, called unexpectedly to check up on her. It really lifted her spirits, and as luck would have it she didn't have a contraction during the 7 minute phone call (I know the call was about 7 minutes long because I was timing contractions).

Towards the evening she was writhing every couple minutes, but we never hit the magic 1-3-1. By then she'd been laboring for about 30 hours, and had only had about 4 hours sleep. I don't know what the most painful stages of labor look like, but I can't imagine it being any worse than what your mother experienced. We had planned to avoid or delay an epidural for as long as possible, but by this time she relented and said she wanted to get numbed as soon as we got to the hospital. Between 6 and 7 PM on Monday night I started another batch of sandwiches. We gathered up our things in a rush and headed out.

When we got to the hospital Monday night, one of the nurses, Sharmaine, did a fantastic job helping mom relax. Mom spent a lot of time in the shower and hunched over on the bed. She went another 3 or 4 hours but then had to make a choice about getting anesthesia because at 11 PM the anesthesiologist came in to let us know he had to go help with an operation and would not be available again for a while. Before deciding, mom asked to be examined again by the midwife. Throughout the day mom had been impressing us with her physical strength and endurance, but now I had to be impressed with her clarity of thought, even at this time. After gathering more data from the midwife, she decided to go ahead with the epidural (you can ask her about this decision, I think she did some calculus in her head to weigh the pain against the progress).

Once numbed up, things quieted down. Mom was able to go to sleep, but they had to connect a lot of tubes to her. One tube supplied oxytocin during the night to help labor along. There's a bed in the room where I could sleep. I was vaguely aware that a nurse, Jennifer, coming in every so often to help mom change position.

At around 3 AM irregular rapid contractions caused your heart rate to fall. The nurses were monitoring things from their station outside the room and noticed the complication. Jennifer hurried into the room and without panic gave your mother an injection to stop the contractions and keep you safe. This seemingly simple intervention has an unmeasurable impact.

Closer to 4 AM progress was still slow and our midwife, Lisa, tried to break mom's water to help things along. She tried the crochet hook and an abrasive finger puppet to break the sack, but was unable to do so. We later concluded it must have broken when mom was in the shower, so we didn't notice it.

During mom's pregnancy I went with her to all but one of the checkups. I'm so glad I did because I got to know our amazing midwifes Lisa and Jean-Maire a little bit. Lisa had to leave her own kids at home for the night when she came to help us. As she left her house the night before her toddler said goodbye with "Have a good baby mom!". When he saw her again in the morning he would ask, "Did you have a good baby mom?". We were unquiet about what the answer would be.

Lisa then had to attach a scalp electrode so we could track your heart rate better. The electrode didn't work and at the same time they lost your heart rate on the external monitor. After a minute of looking frantically for a HR, Lisa made the call to go to the operating room. They started unplugging the bed, called the doctor that was on standby and were about to move mom out when they found the HR again on the external monitor. That was enough excitement to last for a whole year, but a little more was yet to come.

A couple hours later Lisa attached another scalp electrode and this time it worked - I think it turned out that the earlier problems had been because of a faulty port on the machine.

Our doctor came in on Tuesday morning and checked on progress. She decided to continue on the current path. Mom was fully dilated on one side, but had a little more to go on the other. Lisa's shift ended and Jean-Marie came to relieve her. Later on someone asked: Which of our clinic's midwifes or doctors helped deliver you? All of them!

Pushing started around 11 AM on Tuesday. Progress was again slow, but we could see the baby's hair appear every now and then. Jean-Marie thought about helping to turn you, but didn't want to take any risks without the doctor because of the night's dramas. So we just tried twisting and turning mom into various positions.

By around 1 PM, after 3 hours of pushing our OB came in again. She's about 5 feet tall, but when she enters a room the energy in the room doubles. She has a strong voice and when she tells someone to push, they respond! By now they've been upping the oxytocin and mom was having regular contractions. You were not in distress, but despite a lot of pushing in different positions you were still not coming out.

Because of the epidural, we initially had to watch the contraction monitor and tell mom when to push. Later she could feel the contractions coming and knew when to push, which I understand is a big help. However, she started having back aches again and they had to up the morphine. Mom is not squeamish, and having seen her fall of her bike and get bruised, and run up and down mountains, I know she has a high pain tolerance. So when she complains of severe back ache the right response is not "tut-tut"! The right response is to go get the anesthesiologist!

After 3 hours of pushing it was time for more drastic measures. The doctor tried using a suction cup to pull you out while mom pushed. The rule is that you can try three times, and very quickly we were down to the last try.

At this time there were about 8 or 9 people in the room. The doctor, midwife, nurses, pediatrician, assistant, and maybe even some people just observing. Everyone was ready, with very big anticipation.

The doctor announced that the last attempt with the suction cup would be made in the operating room. Within a minute the room cleared out, they gave me scrubs, a hat, booties, etc. Fortunately during our training we had seen a video of a C-section, so we had some idea what to expect. We also had seen all of the tools and instruments that had been used thus far. We understood why the pediatrician was there. The little exposure during training went a long way. Hats off to the Marin General one-day childbirth class!

Once in the operating room they got ready for "Custor's Last Stand", as the doctor called it. Mom and I had perhaps both given up by this point, and were mentally prepared for a C-section. They used a different suction cup, waited for another big contraction and cheered mom to push. The doctor practically put her feet against the table and leaned back. Not really, but she might as well have had. At this point I don't think anyone really expected you to come out.

With an impressive display of power by mom, and the doctor, your head came out. A little bigger than anyone expected. A little more struggle and she pulled out the rest of your body. Much bigger than expected! This would be good place to use the word "palpable", along with "relieve" and "collective exhale".

After that things got a little blurry. The pediatrician checked you; I don't think there was anything nasty in your lungs. Mom and I got to hold you for a minute. The doctor finished up and we vacated the operating room.

Back in the room I asked that they put you on mommy before weighing you, giving you a proper bath, etc. You latched on immediately and that quickly became your favorite spot for some time to come. We don't know where you got the energy from, despite the stress of the birth you never seemed fatigued.

You weighed in at 3.89Kg (8 lbs 9 oz) and were 52.7cm (20.75 inches) tall!

Total labor was about 54 hours (which includes 6 hours of sleep).

-Your Proud Father

Perhaps a glimpse into our future...

For every parent, the topic of reproduction will eventually come up. Here's one funny account of the conversation, and a white lie that Julia Sweeney told her daughter (soure).

Anticipation

Niu-niu,

Many months ago we went to see your mother's doctor and she confirmed that you were there, inside mama. The doctor showed us a sonogram image of you. You were the size of a peanut. Now you are the size of a basket ball - or at least your mother's tummy is protruding like she is hiding a basket ball under her shirt.

We know you will arrive any day now. It could be tomorrow; it could even be later tonight! But your mother doesn't look like she is about to go into labor. The last couple weeks I thinks she's had more energy and she seems to move about with ease. She is healthy and happy and does not seem to mind the extra burden that she is carrying.

Now, when you kick or move we can see the movement from 10 feet away. Stay strong little one, soon you will have more space to flail your arms and stretch your legs. You'll be able to breathe oxygen into you lungs and use your voice to let us know how you are doing!

Waiting for you to arrive is the most wonderful feeling; waiting for the little person who will change our lives forever. I can almost not believe that soon I'll be able to hold you and cradle, cuddle and comfort you.

It's time for me to go to bed. We have to rest and save our strength for the day that you are ready to come out and meet us. Sweet dreams. Be safe on the last leg of your journey. Soon we meet!

Your Power

Niu-niu,

You are not even born yet, but you are already bringing joy and hope and love to our lives.

We've only seen grainy sonogram images of you on our doctor's visits. And your mother's tummy is becoming more beautiful and round every week. But beyond that you are just an "idea" - just an image in my mind.

We haven't yet heard you cry, fed you, changed your diapers or dressed you. Neither your mother nor I have any idea what it is going to feel like when we hold and cradle you. But already you have become everything that is important. Thinking about you quiets my mind and gives me the energy I need to build and cultivate our lives together.

You are so tiny yet, but you create a force that is strong enough to keep me standing upright against whatever may come our way. You are the reason for my smile today.

Building Memories

Dear Little Tiger,

We planted new plants in our front garden today. By the time you are born we hope the plants will have taken to their new environment and be growing famously.

On one side of the driveway we planted a small camellia tree with ornamental grass and flowers around it. On the other side, three white lilies and more varieties of ornamental grass. Your mother and I do not have a lot of experience gardening, and I have to admit I didn't have much appetite for it either. Our house is on a steep slope which limits the opportunity for a delicate garden - the garden was fairly rough, but nicely settled. All of this implied "low maintenance", which quite appealed to me.

However, this week your mother had a company come over to trim the trees and also cut back and shape some shrubs. She surprised me by also having them clear out the beddings in the front yard! Which meant we now had to plant something new in the empty space.

Your mom did the hard work to go find new plants, and I think she did a great job. But today I had to help plant everything. The ground is full of little rocks and roots, and consists of packed clay. Plus, everything here is on a slope. The planting was arduous! On top of that I didn't know if we were doing it right. Oh, did I mention I have a cold?

All this complaining is to let you know that I was doing the work under duress, and with a big frown. Finally your mother asked me why I looked so angry. In my mind the answer was: "The plants we had here before were perfectly fine, and I liked them them just fine. There was no need to have them removed... now we have to spend time, money and energy to put new plants in. For what? Why?"

Sometimes, you don't have to share everything that's on your mind.. instead of the above I said "I'm just trying to work out where we should dig the hole for the next plant." And then I started laughing. Why bemoan a situation that you can't change?! And besides that, your mom wanted to do this, so it had to be done.

So part of the little lesson today is, if your mother has decided to do something, you can either help her do it, or watch her do it, but you cannot easily dissuade her from doing it. She has her heart set on a beautiful garden, and you and I will certainly enjoy it too.

With that, I got into the spirit of things and tried to enjoy playing in the dirt. Before too long everything was planted, and some things planted twice because we realized they where probably too close together the first time. When we stood back to take in the result, I had to admit I was proud of the work... I even admit that I had enjoyed doing it. I liked that your mother and I were learning about gardening together.

Today also brought back childhood memories, from when I would hang around my dad while he was doing yard work. This made me look forward to when you will be big enough to hang around us when we do things in and around the house. One day, you will think we are doing a chore to rake up leaves or clear weeds, but I will know that the work will be incidental to the really important activity of building memories together.

You will live with your memories for the rest of your life, let's try and make them happy one's!

---

Here's what the yard looked like before, and what it looks like now. We have more planting to do!